30 Days of Asking: Month’s End

October 5, 2013 0 Comments
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Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored every step of the way. -Anonymous

And so the month of September came to an end, as did the 30 Days of Asking:  Do I love it? Does it love me back?

In the long view, 30 days yielded positive results.

If my grand-daughter, Chloe (the four-year old who likes things orderly) were to visit today, she would say, “My this looks very neat.” in her older-than-four, in-charge-of-all-things voice.  And, she would be correct. Closets, drawers, shelves, computers, cars…all things under our roof  neatly organized.

If Chloe could peer into my brain, she might not be as complimentary.  While I faithfully meditated, practiced my Qigong and Tai Chi, and ate nourishing food,  I noticed a long-time internal habit that I don’t love and that doesn’t love me so much.

As I worked through a daily schedule of tasks, I found myself shifting in to my Type A, full speed ahead mode.  There were days in September when I was called away from the 30 Day Plan–a sick sister, some training, a family get-together.  When I got back to it, I gritted my teeth and pushed forward.  Barring reasonable consideration, I pushed through to complete tasks as scheduled.  I ended up with a few days of negative thoughts, resenting the job at hand, and I abandoned any pretense of being “in the moment'”

When I flipped into my teeth-grinding, push through mode, my mind began chattering.  You know what I mean, that constant hamster-wheel brain where pointless self-talk overtakes the opportunity to be truly present and to savor the only thing I truly own…the present moment in time.  My brain began whining like a spoiled child.  “Why do I have all this stuff?”  “What was I thinking when I thought this Asking exercise would be a good idea?”  “Why, why, why?”  I was tense.  It was hard to look at my task and see through the tumble of thoughts to decide if I loved a thing or if it loved me.  I missed the balance and peace I felt when I was fully present with a  task.

It was an illumination for me.  I have, within me, the opportunity to live each moment of my life fully by stepping off the hamster wheel, time and time and time again.  (…and again.)  That’s a habit that will take a lifetime to master.  Namaste, Becky.

 

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